These Words shared by My Father Which Helped Us during my time as a New Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a break - going on a few days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."