Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's top entertainers used the broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, called the "gold card," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys each thing he touches."

The subject was the controversial initiative which enables international individuals to acquire U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. An official portal guarantees approval "in record time."

"One thought for you to wealthy foreigners: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, requiring large payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval ratings during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.